Revenge- Sunday Confessions

  If you know me personally, you’d be aware that I’m the most passive-aggressive kinda person. My picture should seriously be the in the dictionary as it’s definition. I do not speak up, except by the stroke of a pen or click of a keyboard, but you’ll never actually hear me speak the words I really think come out of my mouth. Revenge is NOT a passive-aggressive person’s friend. It is a dish best served cold, though it takes a certain amount of inner courage and self-confidence gathered in the precise right doses to dish out the bitter taste of revenge. Those are two qualities that I’m seriously lacking in, basically nonexistent for me.
  It’s utterly ironic that someone like me is inept at committing revenge because I’ve been burned by others WAY more than anyone ever should experience in their entire lives and I’ve barely made it through half of my life expectancy! The story of my life thus far would make a chart-topping, record-setting ratings,  Lifetime Network made-for-tv movie gem! It’s almost unbelievable to ME when I think back on all that’s happened to me in a chronological timeline. Every single vengeful incident most certainly deserves some sort of revenge on my behalf, the wrongs too unjust to let them pass unacknowledged, but that’s just not my style. I may get a little maniacal on someone, if I know them very well & have reached a very high level of comfort around them, while caught up within the moment of reveal, but those aberrations taper off into typical girly-girl hysterics rather quickly. As if everything that I lack in being bold or outgoing is made up for in my tempestuous over-emotional sensitivity.
  Now, just because I may not have the guts to act in the name of revenge, doesn’t mean I don’t think about it, consider it, or contemplate it. Frequently. I do wish I was the kind of person who rights all the wrongs committed against themself then wallow in the returned to sender delivery of pain and misery by the tenfold. I really, really wish revenge was in my nature! Unfortunately for me, my life is cursed, so I just suck up all the ill-will I feel, bury it deep inside somewhere, then carry on while letting the person in question get away with their crime. Eventually if someone becomes a repeat offender, I’ll quietly phase them out of my life without rocking the boat too hard, because I do think enough of my self to be worthy of a happy, peaceful life, it just takes me a lot longer to face reality. Regardless of the type or repetitive nature of the crime, I will undoubtedly be thinking of all the ways I want to help Karma take it’s course. I daydream as I wash the dishes, fold the laundry, sit through an Octonauts or Adventure Time marathon, or drive the school shuttle. I fantasize while I’m cooking dinner, scrubbing piss stains from the bathroom, and walking the dog the kids promised they’d “take care of, if we just got them a puppy for their birthday, PLEASE!”, every damn morning. So many creatively horrible and down right dirty deeds have passed between my ears to be filed away with all the other diabolical and devious schemes once imagined, yet never acted upon. No matter how bad I want revenge, how glorious it would feel to reign down on others what they have brought to me, there’s some subconscious force within me that disables my ability to bring forth the great vengeance I desire.
  Through all the injustice I have faced and overcome in my life, I have come to rely on Karma to solely do my bidding. She is a beautiful creature full of power and grace, a master in the art of perfect timing. There is nothing done negatively that is out of her reach and she never forgets a wrong. I trust that all the wrong doings, of not only me, but the whole world, will be balanced out at some point in time. I don’t need to be someone I’m not in order to seek revenge, I know that whatever happens to me will come back on them when it’s meant to be while I stay true to my passive-aggressive self. And I’m perfectly okay with that in the end. My daydreams and fantasies are a personal source of entertainment, a means of boredom busting for the daily grind, but nothing more. There’s no need. Revenge is a dish best served cold- on a golden platter served up by Karma.