When I first saw the prompt for today’s Confession, I’ll admit, I was very intimidated. Scared. Overwhelmed & anxious. Admittance of anything personal has always been something I’m not very good with.
I’m a very fluid, flowing, pliable person. To admit something, especially about myself, is to make it concrete, fixed in time as a factual statement, reflected of one’s character & state of being. For an already emotionally-charged person who can feel all the feels, sympathize without persuasion, & empathise with everyone, an admittal becomes like a direct attack against my very sacred, inner-most core, forcing a questioning, a self-doubting, of the foundation of who I am. From the belief system I follow as a path in life, to the values I envelop into my every thought, choice, & action. To the voice that leads me down that path, in the core of my heart, to the center of my soul where I find my purpose in life, predestined by fate. I don’t like having to admit anything. I don’t like feeling vulnerable & exposed. I’ll tell you things on my own terms, when I’m ready, when I’m capable.
My faults & failures, my secrets & lies, will never stay hidden or buried. Nothing does, in a world full of witnesses these days.
It’s draining enough to get through life with all the feels about everything, constantly shifting to be the person I need to be for each person in it, being the sympathizer, the empathizer, the friend they need me to be. Having to bare my insides to someone, opening up fresh wounds in scarred & tender flesh in the admittance of something personal, shakes me up & rattles me to my core.
Don’t back me in a corner, force me to say the words you need to hear more than me or make up my mind before I’m ready to choose. Everything bubbles to the surface eventually, shows it’s face, somehow, someway. Karma, luck, destiny, or as I, lovingly refer to it as, The Curse of My Life, it’ll all be there to help me admit all I need to, when I need to, & nothing more. I hate it, but it is how I’m made, the way I was designed, a blessed cursed that I’ll be chained to until the day I die.
Sunday Confessions- Admit
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5 thoughts on “I’ll Admit Nothing”
I’ll admit I enjoyed your Sunday Confession today 💜
For the most part I keep to myself until I’m ready to let it out or others in. As you said, eventually it will all come to light as it always does so hopefully others respect that and let us reach out or share when we’re ready.
Also 💗 to you!
Much love to you Jenny! Your comments always make me smile hard! I was worried no one would get it & think i was just crazy! Thanks for being like me, 😉
I’ve grown up around very honest people who I never had to doubt how they were thinking. I will admit though I wasn’t always comfortable to tell them how I was feeling. Especially when I saw and felt so much more than what was protrayed. I will say I’m neither an introvert or extrovert, I fit somewhere in the middle. I have to tell you it makes me sad that you have a curse in your life. I think you’re an amazing, strong, and very perceptive person. I think you could smash that curse to a thousand pieces once that belief permeates your whole being. Well done my sister friend, I enjoyed reading your words as always. ❤️
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I’m working on it, baby steps, but progress nonetheless. I’m growing more inside every day, faster than at any other point in my life, which is a little daunting at times. Slowly, I’m learning to be true to myself while being true to others, & only when i find that perfect balance between the two, with the help from some amazingly inspiring friends I’ve made lately on here, like you, Chasity, Ash, & Jenny, among a few others, I’ll find tree strength to break the curse once & for all.
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Yes working on it is the progress in itself. I’ve reached a point in my life where I live my life without aplogies. I believe living authentically with love, kindness, and compassion without taking anyone’s bullshit, is key to me being comfortable in my own skin. The more you want this for yourself hon, the more people you’ll attract to help you get it. I’m so happy to be that link in your golden chain of love and support. 💗
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