Do you ever sit back and just watch the world go on around you? Watch life move around as if you were watching a movie on a gigantic, all encompassing 3-D screen? The hustle and bustle continues on, unrelenting and unnerving, taking no heed to the fact that you’ve stepped out to look in, as if peering through a magical looking glass at another place and time. I do this quite frequently, drawn by some internal desire to take in the sights, the sounds, the smells, and the stories unfolding right before my eyes. Never do I feel more connected to life, more alive, than when I’m in this fully aware, hyper-vigilant state of being.
Maybe in part, it’s because I’m more an introverted dominate kind of person or because I prefer to be the wallflower in many social situations. Maybe it’s the cyclic depression that takes hold of my soul or the tormenting of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse I went through at different times in my life. Whatever the reason, I am able to separate myself from the bigger picture. I can find serenity within the stillness I create while getting drunk on the essence of life. It is in these moments that I reconnect with my soul, perceiving every molecular structure, built under the strictest of blueprints and perfected over the course of the past million years or so, that combines with chemistry as old as the universe, to become the mind and body I am. I’m inarguably aware of every stray hair out of place, goosebump rising, tear about to water up in my eye, raised body hair, and slight scratching of my skin. My peripheral vision blurs as my eyesight becomes keen on whatever I chose to focus my attention on, my brain’s wheels grinding away at an alarming rate as it processes these empowering sensations and delves deeply into a philosophical level of thinking, simultaneously.
There’s so much lost in the act of living. We’ve come to a time where our bodies are merely just vessels required to do so and our minds are taken for granted because technology has opened a door to a blackhole that disables people from thinking for themselves. Society has forgotten what it feels like to just simply breath. It thrives on the chaos created by it’s sheep fighting to be first in line for worship and imitation of the image protected by their immoral God-like shepherds. It’s suffocating for me to stay in that madness for long periods of time. It’s like being trampled by a herd of water buffalo that keep turning around and coming back at you once they get passed, leaving you trapped and unable to find safer ground. Day to day, the struggle to move against the flow of the crowd happens and you find yourself in a mind-numbing fog just going through the motions until one day it’s all over. The same rollercoaster ride of emotions playing out as a never-ending movie with the hand-scripted characters of each soul, made for the entertainment of the writer-producer-director of this world-wide production. When I am living, I no longer feel alive, like I’m connected with the universe with whom I share ingredients with which my vessel is made from. Just as the galaxy of our home planet continues to rotate around the great star that is the Sun, and our planet, Earth, continues to revolve around the Moon, our hearts beat to pump blood against the flow of gravity, intestines contract with digestion, and our lungs breathe without a single conscious ability to control through willpower alone.
When I am in that outside space, I’m guessing it’s somewhere between reality and insanity, I can be one with my entire self. Here, I can let go of the binding confines, constrains, and censorships that living on life’s terms as dictated by the master plan, chain me down with. I find myself able to cherish the positive moments more when I can hold them in time, deposit them into an internal memory bank of memories dear to my heart. In the stoppage of time, I decipher the reasoning of the negativity going on, find wisdom and truths blinded by the shepherds’ ostentatious gospel. How I wish I could stay in this magical realm of being. It’s a place full of inspiration and passion, a place to throw out all the garbage as I watch everything just speed on by me. All the while, I’m letting my body do the talking and embracing all of the capabilities of it that are taken for granted. People-watching is what I would do if I could spend my day doing anything at all that I wanted to, because it’s the only doorway I’ve ever found to where I’m truly aware of all that is my vessel and how alive it really is. There’s no better place to go if awareness is what you’re seeking. We can all be bench zombie buddies together at the local mall….
Today’s blog is brought to you thanks in part to the AMAZINGLY AWESOME Ash from More Than Cheese and Beer. Her Sunday Confession prompt today was: aware. You can find her Facebook page here for more link-ins and anonymous confessions.
The Angrivated Mom 