Are you sick and tired of hearing your wife nag, nag, nag? You probably find yourself thinking from time to time:
“C’mon now! What the hell is she doing all day with those kids!?! What could I possibly be doing to bother her? I work over seventy hours a week at a grueling job I hate, just so she can stay at home with our children! AmIright or amIright?!?“
You feel deeply unappreciated by your wife. Each day you toil away at some mindless job keeping your bills paid, and all the while she gets to stay at home with the kids, living it up on your dime. Yet, you’re the one getting nagged at. Why!?! When it comes to mother’s, there’s only two major reasons why they badger their spouses. Listen up, dudes!
She’s nagging at you to go somewhere, do something, or have “family time” of some sort. She makes a huge deal about taking the kids without you.
Thinking of time as only your own is the first problem. You ARE part of that family, need I remind you? A family that feels the empty space throughout the week while you are off working to support them. Your family waits anxiously to share moments of fun and excitement as a whole, so when you’re constantly choosing to take nothing but time for yourself, you’re going to have one helluvah irritated wife. When her children’s feelings are hurt, she’s the designated advocate, speaking up for all of their emotional bumps and bruises. She feels a duty on behalf of her children to get on your case, because they’re sorely disappointed over dad’s inclusion of himself. Especially after hyping themselves up for these activities including dad, all week long.
The second problem I see is that you have no interest in participating in any family activities on your days off. Even on vacation days or holidays. The only priority you have is to disentangle yourself from the reality that you are a slave to your job. You’ve pushed your family away, because you don’t have the time to devote to them with the way you work. Besides, your wife seems to do a good enough job on her own, she doesn’t need any help. Or, so you think, buddy. Your wife’s nagging is in part to wanting your attention again.
And NOT that kind of special attention, either. She wants you to compliment her daily survival skills, her mothering under pressure, her ability to maintain composure even though she’s rabid and ready to bite on the inside.
She wants you to know her job is probably harder than yours in many ways, and still, she remains your best friend day after day wanting to make your day better than hers.
She’s nagging you because you haven’t helped around the house in ages, and since you live at work more than home you think you shouldn’t have to.
Do you really think you live in Pleasantville or a real-life rerun of The Walton’s? Or, maybe even, Leave it to Beaver? Well, I hate to burst your bubble…but you are NOT. This is the twenty-first century, after all. 1950 left us well over a decade ago and with it went the “women in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant while the man provides for his family” attitude. Raising kids and keeping the house running is an unappreciative, unforgiving, and unnerving round-the-clock job. Motherhood has no procedure manual. No order of direction. There is very little time left to take care of the entirety of the household chores and you, sir, as it was aforementioned above, are a member of this family, too.
Regardless of how long your time is in this household, you are still in part responsible for the mess. You sleep, you eat, you shower, and you shit here- the same as everyone else.
Only, four of those people are too young to do the dirty work and heavy lifting around here. Your wife spends a lot of time making your life easier on you while keeping your children healthy and safe; the least you can do is return the favor and make her life a little easier, too.
Besides… if you want to stop nagging her about needing some special attention to satisfy your own desires, you would earn her attention. A stay at home mother’s biggest reason for losing her mojo is becoming swallowed up by her role as mother, unable to separate herself into wife. Taking some of the stress and responsibility off of her shoulders so she can take the time you want from her to relax and get into the mood. It also teaches your offspring how to respect other people’s duties and treat everyone with equality, as well. When they see you pitching in and cleaning up after yourself, they’re more likely to follow suit. The more you hold yourself accountable, the more apt they will be to do the same thing. Little ones are mirrors for not only our potty mouths, but our behaviors, as well. Get up now, go wash some dishes, fold a little laundry while you watch the football, then offer to sweep the kid’s crumbs after dinner. It’s not like it’ll kill you, otherwise you’d have been a single parent ages ago.
There’s always a deeply rooted purpose to every whine, nag, bitch, and moan your wife utters. Unless it’s as blatantly obvious as her screaming to get your foul-stench reeking, nostril-torturing wafting, eyeball-burning stanking, noxious-gas passing asshole away from her, you can bet the motive behind her barrage of pestering falls under one of those two categories above. Somehow y’all men fall into this blind, egotistical, and self-centered mentality fueled by your stuck-at-sixteen hormones, and you just can’t see past the tip of your, eghmm….
Take heed of my advice and see your wife’s bellowing and bitching as her womanly was of asking for help. It’s not like you men are good about asking for help, either.
Day 14 prompt: Free Write
By: Kristina Hammer, aka, The Angrivated Mom