The Haunted Zoo- Secret Subject Swap February

Your “Secret Subject” is:
There are scary, piercing, scratching noises coming from your basement/attic. What do you do?
it was submitted by: http://dinoheromommy.com/

Mayble and Mylie

For most people, hearing strange, ear-piercing, scratchy noises from somewhere in the dark depths of their home would instantaneously set off those internal alarm bells. The hair on the back of your neck would stand on end as your heart starts racing, pounding right out of your chest. Thoughts of a break-in of some sort, or, possibly even, ghosts, would fight their way to the surface. Panic ensues, bubbling up from the murky pit of your stomach, as it twists itself into knots preparing for what may very well be, the end of your life. Images of gun-wielding psychopaths, cracked-out drug-feigning burglars, dirty scumbag rapists, demons ready to terrorize at the Devil’s bidding, and the trapped spirits of homeowners past who still won’t relinquish their hold on the property, besiege you; setting your brain on a collision course of reality and irrationality.

But, not me.

First of all, I am completely enthralled by the subject of after life. I would be excited to investigate as such. Secondly, I have no fear of those noises being related to any sort of intruder, because there is no access to either my basement nor my attic without entering through the main structure of my home, somehow. Which leads us into the third reason why it’s such a great improbability someone physically could have snuck into those hard to access places…

OUR PETS!

Not only would they alert to someone’s presence on our property, they would not allow a stranger to get more than a hand or foot into my home without making a ruckus loud enough to wake the dead. Our home may as well double as a part-time zoo. Between the pets and the kids it certainly feels like one. We have two dogs- a two and a half year old Retriever-Pit Bull-Lab-American Bull Dog, Mayble, and a seven month old Pit Bull-American Bull Dog, Mylie. Yes, Mylie as in Mylie Cyrus, but ONLY because her nickname started from her dad calling her Smiley Mylie and everybody knows American Bully dogs have a very happy, smiley face to them. Then there’s the three cats. Bella is a 6 year old tuxedo domestic short hair (dsh) we found on a rainy summer morning in the local feed store parking lot. Stripe is a three year old tiger-striped tabby dsh, who came from a previous cat’s only litter of kittens she had before she was cat-napped by neighbors when they moved away. Then there’s Frost. He’s a one year old gray and white patched dsh foster-kitten who won over our hearts and, with em, a place in our zoo. Our zoo wouldn’t be a proper zoo, now, without some reptiles and aquatic creatures, now would it? That’s why we have some African Aquatic Dwarf Frogs and a tank of carnival goldfish which refuse to die. I haven’t changed their water in over six months, and it’s a non-filter tank, by the way, and it’s probably been at least two months since I fed them last. Yet they swim on, nonetheless. Too bad I can’t say the same about my kids.

Frost, the offender

So, I can guarantee those scary noises are only because of these four-legged and finned creatures running amuck in the still of the night when little hands are fast asleep, unable to interfere with their play. Most likely, of all, the noise would be coming from the cats. Frost has just entered maturity and is biding his time until his vet appointment next month. Meaning – that little fucker is horny and desperate for a piece of tail to satisfy his mating urges, only he doesn’t understand that his housemates of the same species have no interest in providing such pleasure for his red rocket. Because they’re both fixed. And one’s another male! Either Frost has a case of Blue Balls so bad he don’t care or he’s simply just a bisexual feline, but, regardless, nonetheless, he won’t give up his pursuit of pussy to hump. This illicit kitty behavior conjures up the most unwelcome responses at 2am from the dark depths of our home. Bella and Stripe are no pushovers and will not quietly reject this feral Romeo’s persistent advancements, despite the quiet washed over while their humans are fast asleep. Eardrum shattering screeches slice through the night followed by high-pitched squeals warning of impending impatience with their housemate. Growls and hisses emanate from the recess of heating ducts and foundation beams as the two abstinent loving felines try to escape from the perverted hornball trying to mount them precariously while in motion. Back and forth between the basement and the attic crawl space access from my bedroom these cats dart, trying to avoid the in-resident rapist. When they finally do manage to get away from his wet winky, Frost will haunt the night with scratching at the windows as he sobs with the pain of defeat and loneliness.

His date with the chopping block can’t come soon enough.

Maybe, one day, I’ll get my long-awaited ghost adventure. But, for now, the only haunting I’m experiencing during Witching Hour is compliments off a sexually frustrated male cat who just wants what everyone else is looking for in life….love.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

 

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/              The Bergham Chronicles

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                  Spatulas on Parade

http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/    The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

http://dinoheromommy.com/                    Dinosaur Superhero Mommy 

http://www.southernbellecharm.com                       Southern Belle Charm

http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com                   Not That Sarah Michelle

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/             The Angrivated Mom

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                         Never Ever Give Up Hope

http://mybrainonkids.net                                  My Brain on Kids

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/            Confessions of a part time working mom

http://thelieberfamily.com                             The Lieber Family Blog

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                   Someone Else’s Genius

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com                       Climaxed

By: Kristina Hammer, aka, The Angrivated Mom