Crumbling Foundations At The Crossroads Of Life

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Never have I felt more lost and confused about life before. Everything around me is falling apart and spinning out of control. I’m struggling to breath as the world as I know it crashes down on me like the Twin Towers did on 9/11. Some might say I’m having a midlife crisis of some sort, but I’m barely halfway through my thirties and this isn’t about figuring out who I am rather than how this all went so terribly wrong.

My marriage is faltering, my children have lost their sense of family unity, my mental health is deteriorating, and the foundation for which a happy, comfortable life is built upon has crumbled. Everywhere I look there is nothing but failure and disarray and everywhere I turn, I hit another brick wall square in the face. My soul is battered and bruised and my heart is bleeding on the sleeve I have always worn it with pride. I don’t trust my judgement and my confidence is waning. All I can do is cry, wishing some magical fairy godmother would appear out of thin air and fix it all with a wave of her wand. I’m so tired of fighting.

Having a Borderline Personality diagnosis compounds this mess until it becomes a category 5 hurricane. My emotions are skyrocketing off the charts as they bounce between black and white, never pausing to heed the gray in between. Love and hate, love and hate, love and hate- there is no middle ground to hold steady to anymore. My mind is held hostage with racing thoughts which want to overanalyze everything. Breaking down, filling in the blanks, concluding the worst case scenarios, and piecing the structure back together again over and over until I finally fall asleep at night just to wake up and start it all again. Nothing makes sense and I cannot fathom a reason to justify why anything is the way that it is right now. There’s no good answers to quench my thirst for enlightenment so I can find the path to lead me out of this hell.

I just want it all to stop. I just want my life to be happy and content. I want the security I used to have knowing that I would be all right in the end. But it’s seemingly impossible right now.

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What is one to do in a time like this? When the roots they’ve laid down deep are suddenly ripped from the earth and everything you’ve latched onto for support and nourishment is gone? How do gather so many fragments of the universe that keep you whole and force them to stay where they belong? Never have I felt so disconnected and isolated before. Never have I felt so insecure about what the future holds. Everything I’ve ever known, everything I’ve ever wanted out of life, is hanging by a thinning thread over the darkest abyss I’ve encountered thus far. I cannot bear the thought of what would happen if I lost my grip.

Maybe had my foundation been more solid and less hollow to begin with, I wouldn’t be in this place at this moment. But shoulda, coulda, woulda’s don’t do anything but waste more of the strength and energy I’m already severely lacking. I need a plan of action. One that doesn’t catapult me face first into steel-enforced concrete barriers that keep me trapped where I am. I need a way to save my life from complete and utter destruction. I need a break from this test of my fortitude and the impact my mental illness has over everything I have ever loved unconditionally without reservation.

I know that everything happens for a reason and very few things last forever. That it’s not my choice how life plays out, though everything I do affects the outcome. If only I had some clarity. Or a crystal ball to show me this isn’t the beginning of the end, as I fear it is, and I’ll wake up one day to feel the sun shining brightly upon my face once more. Miracles don’t really happen to people like me, however. My fate is cursed, after all. Cursed to live with the misery of abandonment, instability, and betrayal; the basic recipe needed to elicit my mental illness in the first place.

Maybe my black and white emotions have simply hijacked this crossroads I’m at and acted as a catalyst to make the state of my affairs worse than need be. But I don’t think so. I think they are just the end result of the pieces of my life shattering as they came down on me on their own. Either way, I’m left to commiserate all alone in this void while trusting the universe to navigate me back to where I belong. I just really hope it doesn’t kill me in the process.

 

 

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The Family He Never Wanted And The Man I Always Knew He Was

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My husband never wanted the family he ended up with. He was in his mid-twenties, rebelling against The System, self-medicating, and a very experienced player when I first met him. He was trying to break away from that lifestyle, but he had no idea how or what to do even if he did manage to do so. He knew no other way in life. No other way to be.

It was the same kind of fast and furious- with a dash of faith for good measure- way of life he grew up around that kept him trapped.

Unfortunately for him, the kind of girls he preferred were not the loyal, take-home-to-mother type. When I met him, I was just the kind of girl he needed to support him through his most recent bad boy expenditures and provide the foundation necessary for a change in outward appearances – I was a young, naive, gullible, unwed, single mother of two toddler boys.

So he settled for settling down with me.

I was only supposed to be a pawn ticket he could cash in later on and retrieve the freedom he sold out for a stereotype when he found his way.

He knew he was way above my league and could charm me into anything he wanted. I would do anything to feel like one of the enviable girls that came before me – gorgeous, sexy, tiny with all the right curves. The bad boy in him could live on undetected under the guise of his instant ready-made family. I never saw it coming and was too desperate not to be the shamefully single, young mom I was to stand up for myself once I saw his true colors. While his party hard debauchery never led him unfaithfully astray, he valued his ability to live on the edge more than he valued life itself. In the back of my mind, I was waiting for the day he decided to redeem his pawn slip, shattering my dreams of happily ever after.

Ten years later, I am in complete awe of the man standing before me today.

He has come full circle and embraced the life he never wanted for anything more than appearances sake. This man went from drinking and popping pills until he figuratively was the walking dead to sober and clean for the past 7 years. He busts his ass and bloodies his knuckles, even suffers the occasional second degree burn, in a cold-drawn steel factory anywhere from 60 to 78 hours a week. A WEEK! Some humans barely stay awake that long in a week. The level of exhaustion this man has reached must be previously unheard of before – and this is coming from the mouth of a stay-at-home mom of 4 kids. Yup, we have even added to the family he never wanted. Two little girls to match the two boys of mine. His time at home is wrapped around all their fingers as they get attacked by Tickle Monsters and cuddled during campfire story nights in the living room. He plays endless games of catch and gets up to look at every, “Daddy watch me!”

My husband is now the kind of father I used to dream of having as a young girl watching her own father get lost in the bottom of a liquor bottle every night.

Even the dynamic of our marriage has turned around. No longer do I feel as if I will never measure up to all those damn notches in his old headboard; as if I am not the kind of woman he wanted to stand by his side without being embarrassed. We have a genuine friendship stronger than any I have ever had. More so than even my longest of childhood friends. My husband has learned to be selfless where he once was very selfish. He is incredibly humble and tender, with a fierce need to protect all five pieces of his heart. Somehow, the barrier around his soul has been shattered, allowing our love to penetrate his once icy, egotistical heart…and that cold heart has warmed over, radiating love back into our lives tenfold.

It is the most amazing thing.

A man who lived each day like it was his dying last, who was the only human left on this planet worthy of greed, has left behind the only life he ever knew. And for what? His wife and children.

There is no greater man… father… husband… than that.

I am the luckiest woman on this Earth. This man who never wanted the family which landed in his lap is now the family man I always knew he had it in him to be. By some unknown kismetted grace of fate, he chose me, and for that I am eternally grateful. I cannot think of anything better life could have ever had to offer me than my husband – the father of my four children.

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Until You Awakened My Love – UYW February

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Long ago, I used to be, an extraordinarily lonely little girl. I devoured the world around me – seeking purpose and direction in the actions of the people I inconspicuously studied, all the while, taking in every bit of knowledge my mind could gather.

My imagination ran wild, overflowing my glass with tales of love yet to be, from an incredibly young age. Daydreams and fantasies painted themselves across my consciousness, as sweet as lollipops, the instant my eyelids fluttered closed for even the briefest of seconds, disintegrating the moment my lashes untangled; like fingers once intertwined, slipping away from the lover’s hand with a fleeting grip. Endlessly searching for wonders to challenge… entice… inspire… my ever constant drive towards something greater than the tried and true of before.

Fairy tales were only my stepping stones into intense, intricately detailed worlds, hidden deep within me, in the darkness I was dared never to go.

A hopeless romantic before I ever knew what love was, lost and broken before I ever had the chance to embrace life as a whole, and cast into the great divide beckoning for the one fated to her soul. As I continued to grow up, as time continued to pass, ever so painfully, the passions burning within me, multiplied. Puberty added fuel to the already blazing flames within my soul; setting off an explosion within my core. My newfound sensuality brought an new sense of awareness, as my sexuality matured. My lonely, whirlwind, mind craved connections with others – first emotionally, then, physically, but never could I find them happening at the same time.

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I was driven to seek out the one who would ignite all of me aflame, at once, awakening the magic I could feel buried dormant in my soul. The one who would meld against the jagged edges of the hole, sealing my heart and healing my wounds. There were many connections made; tried and failed, lost along the way. Many more never managed to even make a single, wimpy spark- our flicker of commonality fizzled out like a dud, before it ever had began. Some connections I made were simply drawn to the vessel of my being, attempting to fake the emotional and physical bonds necessary for gaining my full attention. I despise those kind of people, wish I could harpoon them, keep them as trophies. There have been, though maybe less than a handful my entire lifetime, of those, whose souls have actually collided with mine, on impact Fusing us, as one, with a fiery burst of emotional recourse. Yet, the pressure which once propelled us together, would eventually pushed us apart, back into orbit.

And, here I am, still searching. Still fighting. Wanting the love I know is out there – the love destined to light up my life as it encompasses the darkness, washing it all back down with a shot of Jack Daniels burning my core.

Thirty-three years of crying myself to sleep listening to the great love songs of the eighties and nineties, wishing on the first star I see at night, and bedtime prayers wanting an angel to hand deliver my price charming-knight in shining armor-rescuer of this damsel in distress.

Rereading epic tales of star-crossed lovers, with pages full of insignificant characters finding their happily ever afters without even trying. Watching sappy romance films of love lost, dying chances, and desires never fulfilled. Images and lyrics penetrate my thoughts, bringing them to life every time I blink.

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I was living with reckless abandonment, teetering on the brink of possibility… vulnerability. Putting myself in bad situations, just because I needed to escape the aching desire torturing my soul to fill in the missing piece so it could finish growing. Looking in all the wrong places for love, fulfillment, and  satisfaction, coming up empty, time after time. Always wondering if it will ever be my turn to fall madly in love and have my dreams come true. Find the missing piece. Awaken the magic.

Until you.

Until you walked into my life – turning it inside out, upside down, and back rightside in, again. Colliding into my soul with voracious force. Awakening the paragon of nirvana buried beneath my soul, dormant for far too long. The waiting is finally over, I can sign with relief. The time has come, at last, to surrender myself to the one engraved upon my core, where we were divided by kismet, once upon a time ago. Separated…ripped apart, as our spirits were cast unto this earth, leaving us empty of our eternal soul mate. Left to wander this barren world, teeming with lust and despair and depraved of rapturous, fervent fidelities. Lost and incomplete without the one, until now.

Until you.

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My body is heightened with the fullest senses it has ever felt. Heart-racing butterflies have broken through time capsule chrysalises, waiting all these years to complete their transformation. My ears tuned to every buzz and beep, hoping for the one alerting me that my presence is strong on your heart and rampant in your mind.

The melody of your words wrapping me in comforting familiarity like my favorite lullaby sang to me as a child. Shivers of lightening race across my skin, anticipating the slight of your hand brushing tenderly across the small of my back, down my hips, then, taking my hand, softly but firmly.

Leading me. Pulling me. Ravaging my thoughts, my aspirations, my virtues – satiating my thirst and quenching the yearning plaguing me for eternity.

The runaway piece of my soul has finally been found – in you. My darling husband, the keeper of my stars, the missing puzzle piece with whom I share my steady heartbeat’s rhythm. I was just an extraordinarily lonely little girl, lost along the midnight journey, weak and weary, looking over her shoulder leery about love…. until you. Until you stepped into my life and brought the universe to my knees. You, my love, complete me.

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~

Today’s post was a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

My words are: (Found in bold and underlined in the piece)
Harpoon ~ Tried and true ~ Straight ~ Lollipop ~ Glass ~ Jack
They were submitted by: The Bergham Chronicles           

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:
Baking In A Tornado

The Bergham Chronicles

Spatulas on Parade  

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

Southern Belle Charm

Not That Sarah Michelle

Never Ever Give Up Hope

My Brain on Kids

Confessions of a part time working mom

Climaxed

Someone Else’s Genius

By: Kristina Hammer, aka, The Angrivated Mom

To The Husband Sick Of His Wife’s Nagging…

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Are you sick and tired of hearing your wife nag, nag, nag? You probably find yourself thinking from time to time:

“C’mon now! What the hell is she doing all day with those kids!?! What could I possibly be doing to bother her? I work over seventy hours a week at a grueling job I hate, just so she can stay at home with our children! AmIright or amIright?!?

You feel deeply unappreciated by your wife. Each day you toil away at some mindless job keeping your bills paid, and all the while she gets to stay at home with the kids, living it up on your dime. Yet, you’re the one getting nagged at. Why!?! When it comes to mother’s, there’s only two major reasons why they badger their spouses. Listen up, dudes!

She’s nagging at you to go somewhere, do something, or have “family time” of some sort. She makes a huge deal about taking the kids without you.
Thinking of time as only your own is the first problem. You ARE part of that family, need I remind you? A family that feels the empty space throughout the week while you are off working to support them. Your family waits anxiously to share moments of fun and excitement as a whole, so when you’re constantly choosing to take nothing but time for yourself, you’re going to have one helluvah irritated wife. When her children’s feelings are hurt, she’s the designated advocate, speaking up for all of their emotional bumps and bruises. She feels a duty on behalf of her children to get on your case, because they’re sorely disappointed over dad’s inclusion of himself. Especially after hyping themselves up for these activities including dad, all week long.

The second problem I see is that you have no interest in participating in any family activities on your days off. Even on vacation days or holidays. The only priority you have is to disentangle yourself from the reality that you are a slave to your job. You’ve pushed your family away, because you don’t have the time to devote to them with the way you work. Besides, your wife seems to do a good enough job on her own, she doesn’t need any help. Or, so you think, buddy. Your wife’s nagging is in part to wanting your attention again.

And NOT that kind of special attention, either. She wants you to compliment her daily survival skills, her mothering under pressure, her ability to maintain composure even though she’s rabid and ready to bite on the inside.

She wants you to know her job is probably harder than yours in many ways, and still, she remains your best friend day after day wanting to make your day better than hers.

She’s nagging you because you haven’t helped around the house in ages, and since you live at work more than home you think you shouldn’t have to.
Do you really think you live in Pleasantville or a real-life rerun of The Walton’s? Or, maybe even, Leave it to Beaver? Well, I hate to burst your bubble…but you are NOT. This is the twenty-first century, after all. 1950 left us well over a decade ago and with it went the “women in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant while the man provides for his family” attitude. Raising kids and keeping the house running is an unappreciative, unforgiving, and unnerving round-the-clock job. Motherhood has no procedure manual. No order of direction. There is very little time left to take care of the entirety of the household chores and you, sir, as it was aforementioned above, are a member of this family, too.

Regardless of how long your time is in this household, you are still in part responsible for the mess. You sleep, you eat, you shower, and you shit here- the same as everyone else.

Only, four of those people are too young to do the dirty work and heavy lifting around here. Your wife spends a lot of time making your life easier on you while keeping your children healthy and safe; the least you can do is return the favor and make her life a little easier, too.

Besides… if you want to stop nagging her about needing some special attention to satisfy your own desires, you would earn her attention. A stay at home mother’s biggest reason for losing her mojo is becoming swallowed up by her role as mother, unable to separate herself into wife. Taking some of the stress and responsibility off of her shoulders so she can take the time you want from her to relax and get into the mood. It also teaches your offspring how to respect other people’s duties and treat everyone with equality, as well. When they see you pitching in and cleaning up after yourself, they’re more likely to follow suit. The more you hold yourself accountable, the more apt they will be to do the same thing. Little ones are mirrors for not only our potty mouths, but our behaviors, as well. Get up now, go wash some dishes, fold a little laundry while you watch the football, then offer to sweep the kid’s crumbs after dinner. It’s not like it’ll kill you, otherwise you’d have been a single parent ages ago.

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There’s always a deeply rooted purpose to every whine, nag, bitch, and moan your wife utters. Unless it’s as blatantly obvious as her screaming to get your foul-stench reeking, nostril-torturing wafting, eyeball-burning stanking, noxious-gas passing asshole away from her, you can bet the motive behind her barrage of pestering falls under one of those two categories above. Somehow y’all men fall into this blind, egotistical, and self-centered mentality fueled by your stuck-at-sixteen hormones, and you just can’t see past the tip of your, eghmm….head…ughh, nose.

Take heed of my advice and see your wife’s bellowing and bitching as her womanly was of asking for help. It’s not like you men are good about asking for help, either.

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Day 14 prompt: Free Write

By: Kristina Hammer, aka, The Angrivated Mom

Nine Tidbits From Nine Years Of Marriage: My Advice To Newlyweds

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Just a couple of weeks away is my ninth wedding anniversary. 9th! My mind is totally blown over that. It’s gotten me thinking in all different ways about how it was then and how it is now, how I thought it would be and how it really turned out. I’ve been thinking about the little girl dream I had of marriage and the reality of the marriage I am in now. It’s a mysterious wonderment as to how we’ve made it this far. Especially with some of the seriously intense trials and tribulations that we’ve endured as a couple, the kind where many others can barely find the strength to rebuild their own life after facing, yet we’ve managed to rebuild ourselves and our marriage. With all of this reflection, I thought I’d share some of the tidbits of advice I’ve realized that have kept the hubs and I going strong in-love. Here’s what I’ve gathered from this reflective journey back through the chapters of my marriage:

1. THERE’S NO SITCOM IN REAL LIFE MARRIAGE. Nothing will ever happen like it does on TV. Not even the so-called reality TV shows. Get all of those preconceived notions of absurd fantasy -written by someone’s own dream-like ideal of what a marriage, family, friendship, and/or any other imaginable relationship should be like- outta your head now. You will never have fights that are filled with insults that are clearly just satirical untruths that will be laughed about for years to come. Words will sting. Feelings will get hurt. Apologies only happen if the parties are willing. Assuming they’re even able to face responsibility for their own actions in the  argument. Forget all about those magical moments of romance where fireworks que overhead just as your lip touch with a kiss under the full moon. Romance is not scripted. It’s not perfection, either. True romance is sloppy, clumsy, and full of last-minute details falling apart. You’ll fall for your spouse again and again in the most unusual of circumstances- the way they saved the day after you burnt the roast for the holiday feast without chastising you for your lack of kitchen skills, the way got covered in grime from a burst pipe that happened as they were getting ready to leave for a work meeting and all the while managing to stay happy and crack jokes throughout the entire repair, or the way they sing softly as they rock the colicky baby in the wee hours of dawn despite having slept a wink themselves.

2. LOVE DOESN’T COME FREE AND IT AIN’T CHEAP EITHER.
There’s no love lost when you’re working for it. You have to rekindle the fire to keep it burning through the night. If you don’t make the time to think about your spouse and what makes them feel good about themselves, your going to end up with an unhappy coupling. The world today makes it so easy to get lost in our own self-centeredness and drown out the needs of those around us. There’s got to be a conscious effort to find a  balance of consideration to keep things aflame. Lots of compromising. Lots of stepping out of your own comfy shoes and taking a walk in your spouses. Keeping in mind all of the little things that light up their world is hard work, but the unconditional love in return is well worth it. Everyone has their own thing and you can’t expect the little words of affirmation that make your day be the thing that makes them happy. Be aware. You can’t play if you don’t pay. And she’ll most certainly be more likely to play with him if you pay her… literally. No wife would be stupid enough to pass up a bargain for her bedroom services in exchange for a salon date, kid-free shopping experience, kitchen cleaning, or uninterrupted bath time.

3. MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.
You have to set financial goals, reasonable ones that come in baby steps, for a successful marriage. They don’t need to be set in stone, because life changes with the winds of your betrothed’s lower cheeks after a long night of binge drinking. They just have to be informed and agreed upon at all times. A system of checks and balances will develop over the course of a few years, so be forgiving of one another’s overspending incidences and misinterpretations of budget designations. They will happen often at first, as you work out who’s best with what role in maintaining the finances. There’s no right way to do things, and there’s no wrong way either. Fights will ensue at some points along the way, but you just gotta take responsibility and move on. Money will devour the closest of blood relations without hesitation, marriages are merely an appetizer for it’s insatiable appetite for souls.

4. SHIT HAPPENS….GAS, BLOOD, PUKE, AND SNOTS, TOO.
Every human body has the same intake/output system. Every.Single.One. There’s a lot of possibilities for that system to go array and it will happen. Sickness, drunkenness, injuries, and just plain old malfunctions of the inner mechanisms will cause all sorts of incidences that are far from attractive. You’ll see your spouse in ways you never could’ve imagined before in your wildest of dreams. Forget any sort of real privacy, either. It’ll never be the same. You will have full blown discussions about dinner choices, in-law gift options, and WE due bills as you do your business, no shame in the game. And forget considering private parts private anymore. If you’ve got an in-grown hair in your ass crack that needs digging out, need to wax hard to reach places, or apply ointments to rashes you’re too grossed out by to touch yourself, your spouse is the one suckered into the deal. They’ll see all, hear all, and touch all the nastiness that comes along with being human and you will, too. Get used to the idea of it all now. Those internal systems only continue to malfunction as we age, there’s no getting around it. Invest in gas masks and Bio-Hazard suits now.

5. MEN NEVER GROW UP OR GROW OUT OF BAD HABITS AND WOMEN NEVER STOP COMPLAINING OR GIVE UP CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK.
It doesn’t seem to matter how old they are, men will smack their girl’s ass and squeeze her boobs at random until the day they croak. Their hands will never come out of their pants and the jokes full of sexual connotation will never stop coming. Men never grow out of leaving toilet seats up and dirty boxers on the floor next to the hamper. Forget about throwing anything away, consider it a blessing actually, if garbage makes it to the counter next to the garbage can. And they’ll never give up ogling over the female species despite being fully satisfied by their beloved wife, it’s like a drug addiction and the more you deny them their golden eggs, the more annoying to you they’ll behave. Yet, on the other hand, women will never get past those sudden bouts of waterworks over sappy and adorable nonsense that will gag you with it’s extreme girly-girl overload. Your wife will make sure you know exactly what you’re doing wrong, what you haven’t even thought about doing yet that’s going to be wrong, and what is still going to turn out all wrong even after twenty other things were first done right. You’ll be reminded of reminders for little thing deemed important by her, don’t question her methods. You’ll be given explicit instructions that you’ll never hear the end about if you tweak the process even just a tiny bit. For a successful marriage, you each have to come to terms with these gender specific idiosyncrasies as the unchangeable quirks they simply are, relishing in that fact.

6. LAUGHTER REALLY IS THE BEST MEDICINE OF ALL.
This part seems like a given, but honestly speaking, it takes just as much work as keeping the love alive. There are times where it’s going to feel like a smile or a hug is going to take too much effort, but it’s an effort you must make. Life is not all sunshine and roses, regardless of how much you prepare for it ahead of time. There will be some really crappy times where you’d rather just hide under a rock for the rest of it instead of face whatever it is. That’s okay. Just laugh a little to yourself about how you ended up living like Patrick Star and then send the joke on to your better half written on the white flag of truce. If you can’t laugh with your spouse after their bodily fluids have been upchucked all over the backseat of your rental car on your first-ever vacation after having kids or catching them blatantly staring at some ostentatiously perfect aberration of the opposite sex, then there’s a high probability that the marriage will fall apart. If you can look back on any of the rough patches or depressing times you’ve endured as a couple and together find the funny in it then make it an inside joke to last a lifetime, then you’re golden as a couple.

7. JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE YOU.
At some point along the way, we all go through periods of self-growth, awareness, and change, which can be really disruptive to a relationship who’s quality revolves around it’s maintaining of balance. When the boat gets rocked, it’s very easy to come to dislike the person rocking it. It’s normal. As long as your heart remains in the right place. There’s been plenty of days where life has been so overwhelming that I can’t stand the thought of playing nice with my hubs. But I still love him deep down and he knows it, so he gives me my space and loves me from afar. Just like I really can’t stand him during the World Cup Tournament or College Bowl Week, because his enthusiasm for his favorite teams winning at sports makes me wanna throat punch anyone who even glances my way. My heart still belongs to him and the minute the last game clock signals it’s all over with, I’m right back to finding him tolerable enough to cuddle up against and maybe even initiate a make-up out session. Until he starts his infamous death bomb farting, that is!

8. THE MORE THE MERRIER IS NOT TRUE.
A successful marriage is personal. The more people you bring into the mix, the less likely you’ll look at each other as best friends. Not that you should drop all your friends and push your extended families out of the picture the moment you get married, but you have to have boundaries and limitations. There’s got to be some distance between your relationship and the company you keep. Details shouldn’t be shared among your clique, despite the intense urge to gossip. They’ll never see what you see in your spouse. They’ll never understand the dynamic between you and your spouse. They’ll never support your role as a spouse. Friends are friends because they take your best interests into consideration not the best interests of your marriage, which can cause way more problems than help. You can’t choose each other’s friends, even if you’d like to. Something strange attached you two together in the first place, that same strange something is what also connects friends, so don’t question why your spouse has chosen the friends that they have chosen.

9. STOP TO SMELL THE ROSES BUT NEVER FORGET THERE’S ALWAYS (AT LEAST) TOMORROW.
Life does nothing but speed on by, faster and faster with each year gone, leaving you wondering what the hell happened to yesterday and how it could possibly be today. What seems to feel like the end of the world-worst thing to ever happen to me-life is over and there’s no getting over it-what did I ever do to deserve this at such an inconvenient time is just a very minuscule fraction of the entire lifetime you will spend together. Whatever it is that gets both of your panties in such a tight bunch, will be long forgotten and completely insignificant years down the road. Enjoy, no… rather, cherish, every part of your journey together. The ups and downs, the good times and the bad ones. There may be years and years worth of struggling necessary before accomplish the right balance or find financial goals are finally being met, you can’t just give up and call it quits because nothing lasts forever! There’s always going to be something ahead down the road that brings you two together in a way that boosts the love you’ve worked hard to keep burning just as there will be obstacle courses and speed bumps on the way to get there. It’s so much more enjoyable to stick around for the long haul, there’s too much to discover yet.

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