Beginning Motherhood

The first time our eyes met,

My breath held tight,

I wore my heart on my sleeve,

As time took flight.

The evenings ahead were rough,

Daybreak gave no reprieve,

Yet it all felt so magical,

I’d stare at you in utter disbelief.

A creation of my very own,

Innocence ready to mold,

Nothing could’ve ever prepared me,

A fairytale yet untold.

Sleeplessness fueled with pride,

Filling me to the brim,

Squawking cries reverberating,

Soothed by my gentle hymn.

Sour milk breath smelling so sweet,

Nuzzling closer skin to skin,

Wonderment over this tiny miracle

Effervescence illuminating within.

With your arrival, though, time did gain wings,

Passing swiftly with a blink,

Ups and downs, milestones good and bad,

It goes too quick with our lives moving in sync.

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Blogger and Blog: Karen of Baking In A Tornado
Name of Poem: Motherhood
Blogger and Blog: Lydia of Cluttered Genius
Name of Poem: Mother’s Wish
Blogger and Blog: Dawn of Spatulas on Parade
Name of Poem: Motherhood Yo Yo
Blogger and Blog: Sarah of Not That Sarah Michelle
Name of Poem: Mother’s Day Poem: I Love You Mom
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Influenced Insanity

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It’s hard to love yourself when no one ever wants to stay,

When family and friends are easy to forget you even have a name.

It’s hard to love your life, graciously gifted without wanting,

When family and friends taunt you with so many reasons to feel ashamed.

 

It’s a challenge to accept yourself the deplorable way you were forged,

When family and friends beg mercilessly for everything about you to be changed.

It’s a challenge to accept the fate written for you by the stars,

When family and friends make it clear that you are delusionally deranged.

 

It’s a struggle to be brave and face each day with hopeful optimism,

When family and friends are brazenly pessimistic about your valueless worth.

It’s a struggle to be brave and face each day through the agony plaguing your mind,

When family and friends don’t see a purpose in you being here on this earth.

 

It’s painful to watch all the others get by, conquer and succeed,

When family and friends make it seem so damn fucking easy.

It’s painful to watch knowing you’re broke and will never truly belong,

When family and friends scorn you relentlessly for being so wretched and sleazy.

 

It’s incomprehensible to think about what life could really be like,

When family and friends see only your diagnosed mental health disease.

It’s incomprehensible to think about how deserving you are of love from yourself and them,

When family and friends wish you would be anything but yourself to appease.

 

It’s difficult to fight and break free from the suffocating mold of normalcy,

When family and friends have chained you to a box of over-value.d conformity.

It’s difficult to fight and break free from their unrelenting pressures to convert,

When family and friends refuse to accept that you’re more than just an aberrational deformity.

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Now that you’ve read mine, come check out these other amazing blogger’s poetry for our February Poetry Challenge- Family and Friends!

Blogger and Blog: Karen of Baking In A Tornado
Name of Poem: Hugs and Kisses
Blogger and Blog: Diane of On the Border
Name of Poem: Toast
Blogger and Blog: Dawn of Spatulas On Parade
Name of Poem: Friends and Family “How I love ya”
Blogger and Blog: Lydia of Cluttered Genius
Name of Poem: Friends are family

 

A Binding Curse

We’ve come a long way from where we began

But not without congeries of heartache, betrayal, and pain.

Time dissipated quickly, slipping past us in silence

Leaving nothing to show except the darkening blood stain.

We pushed and we pulled, a tumultuous battle of wills

Rising high with the moon, then crashing low with the tides.

Broken and beaten by life and one another, alike

Yet bound at the soul, determined; headstrong to survive.

The road less traveled took us so far off-course

Losing dreams of hope and trust in blind faith along our troubled way.

Struggling to breathe when the air between us became too thin

We trudged right through the raging storms, vehemently vowing to stay.

All that we fought to overcome, all the perils we experienced

This love should’ve drowned in the shallows of illusory passion.

A magnetic force instead fused our hearts to beat in rhythm

Stronger than Earth’s gravity, defying even Sir Newton’s laws of attraction.

No one else could have made it together this far,

A stacked deck, a magician’s curse, and the devil’s kiss sealed our ill fate.

I wish I had had a crystal ball way back when

Because I’m in too deep now, escaping your spell is beyond much too late.

Looking back in vain, I can only shudder with horror

My heart was hijacked by our wishing stars somehow misaligning.

I made you my everything, gave you all of me there was

Bleeding from my wounded soul, my heart cannot stop its painful crying.

Your love is simply Hell in disguise

Bound to you for eternity, stuck together with the ultimate super glue.

So many questions for which I’ll never get answers

My sanity lost within this nightmarish dream come true.

 

A Convenience Of Love

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Simply a convenience. Like microwave popcorn. Or cold water from the faucet.

A remote control or even socks. Won’t know what good you had until you’ve lost it.

Hard to see past the image staring back at you. Your own beloved reflection.

An ego so large it devours everything in sight. Even your discernable discretion.

Mocking from your stately throne. Sitting upon that fine, high horse.

Delegating orders, commanding attention from peasants. Never showing remorse.

Wickedly charming. Like a pied piper. Or a white collared politician.

Taking all that you can get without a care. Self-fulfillment seems your only mission.

Ignorantly unaware. Trampling over anything, in a frenzy to feed.

Selfishly forgetting the one who dares love a man who desires only his needs.

Simply a convenience. Like shoelaces. Or the warmth of a favorite sweater.

Unnoticed unless wanted in the moment. An umbrella for times of bad weather.

 

Ode to My Phone – Fly On The Wall

Since it’s National Poetry Month, I decided to put a Poetic spin on this month’s FOTW post. I broke my phone this week and decided to write a tribute to my beloved ZTE Max… Enjoy!

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Your body in my hand- weighted, squared off, and smooth to the touch.
Shiny and new, pulling you from your box I already knew I loved you so much.
Before all else, I dressed you up; that purple otter box fit you tight like a glove. Everywhere we went together, at night you sat on a shelf over my head above.
You connected me to the world, voices speaking of life directly to my ears.
Appointments, information, conversations – happy smiles and sad tears.
Good news of raises, babies born, and relationships forged under the moon.
Bad news of passings, illnesses, and frauds reported with a melancholy tune.
So much more you had to offer me, though, with capabilities a hundredfold.
A lifeline to reality and fantasy alike- keeper of secrets and stories yet untold.
Capturing moments of enchantment, an interactive autobiographical scrapbook. Entertainment at my finger tips; videos, reading, gaming, giving websites a look.
Social media brought the village back to this stay-at-home-mom’s mundane life.
Giving reprieve from the lonely existence of motherhood’s endless strife.
You and I made quite the team, taking me places I had only once before dreamed.
My passion for writing turned into a blog competing among the esteemed.
Oh, why! Why did our time have to come to such a horrendously tragic end?
I believed that forever, case in hand, you would remain my very best friend.
That day at the park, unlike any other we made, I never saw the fall coming.
In an instant it all happened when my daughter took off running.
To the ground you tumbled, for the first time ever landing right on your face.
A losing battle against the gravel you shattered as I had to give chase.
Forever I’ll remember all that you have brought my life, completing me.
A friend to the very end, my beloved ZTE Max – I will treasure the memories.

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***Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come take a buzz over to these links for a peek into some other wonderful bloggers home this month:

Baking In A Tornado   

Juicebox Confession                                               
Menopausal Mother    .                                        
Someone Else’s Genius                                            
Spatulas on Parade                        

Searching for Sanity                                           
Never Ever Give Up Hope .                                 
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                           
Not That Sarah Michelle                      

Southern Belle Charm                                          
My Brain on Kids                         

Go Mama O                                       

 

Baby Of Mine

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Soft and sweet you come climbing into my lap,
A fuzzy little ball of freshly spun wool.
Nuzzling against my chest with a gentle mewing purr,
Heart to heart, feeling every rising and falling swole.
A beam of the purest sunshine could never shine so warmly,
Sparkling with radiance, your light upon my darkened life.
A diamond of the highest quality could never be so treasured,
Your priceless value worth the pain of my strife.
Tiny little fingers on the smallest of hands take hold,
Wrapping around my giant finger tightly, so trusting.
Eyelids flutter as your milky breath sighs deeply with sleep,
Blissfully unaware of all but what for you’re fussing.
Hours tick by as the world whizzes past without so much as a glance,
Still we sit- quiet as mice, unmoving, not to disturb.
Enchanted, enthralled, enlightened by your sweet innocence,
Wanting to stay lost, captivated by your charming lure.
How can they allow me the pleasure of calling you one of my own,
When your perfection of beauty shatters perceptions.
Blessed by the stars to be chosen as the one you call mother,
I have loved you since the moment of your conception.
You are my baby.

Check out all the other Bloggers linked up for National Poetry Month with me!
Baking In A Tornado
Spatulas On Parade
Measurements of Merriment
The Bergham Chronicles
Not THAT Sarah Michelle

Cosmic Dance

Dancing gracefully across the darkened ballroom floor,
Our arms intertwined, faces pressed so close together.
Passion leads us both into strange, unfamiliar moves,
We carry them out as smoothly as my ballet shoe’s worn leather.

You twirl me away, reel me in fast, then do it over again,
Somehow you’ve figured out just how to keep moving us.
A dip down low, snap me back, press my body tightly against yours,
Your touch feels like fire, scorching me with eternal flames of lust.

Sweeping me around & around, dizzying me in a lover’s ecstasy,
Weakening me with every spin, until I feel myself melting away.
Enraptured by this dance, climax builds with drunken pleasure,
Then you break free & turn away, I’m left begging for you to stay.

A connection so powerful deserves to finish this midnight dance,
While I silently plead the music to play on until the sun’s rise.
Wanting you on me, needing you in me, finishing what we started,
Don’t leave me I say, grabbing your hand, looking into your eyes.

Finish me, please, this has to be done, you’ve taken me way too far,
The dance must end as it was scripted, not of your selfish decision.
A tease, just a taste, of the dance we were paired to put on for show,
Fated to perform, like two comets bound straight for collison.

Just tell me why, don’t turn your back on me, how can you walk away,
Passion coursing through my blood, brain doped up on this ecstasy,
Answer me now, look at me, sweep me off my feet to dance again,
Didn’t you feel the magic we created, this can’t just be imagined fantasy.

As I implode from the climax that was about to peak before you abandoned,
I feel the heat of your hands on my waist, your breath as in you bend.
The softest kiss brushes tenderly across my dry, parted lips,
As you gaze fiercely into my eyes, I realize  this, is, but isn’t, the end.

Confessions flow as you guide me along in a slowed rocking pace,
Like waves washing the shore, your gentle whispers soothe my soul.
You say this magic happens only once in a lifetime, nevermore,
My value worth more than a single dance, you wanted to keep me whole.

Lifting me in your arms, asking to become my partner for life,
I’m taken away where we can dance to only the music we make.
A rhythm of two, heartbeat of one, our lost souls mercifully collide,
This meeting destined, the chosen dance all along, a fated cosmic mistake.

The Beast of Beauty

A reflection of you, your words are like mirror images,
The key to unlocking what really hides inside, deep within.
Manipulated to mask what you are underneath, fooling others,
But I’m not unsuspecting, I can see within your devilish sin.

The way you act, using & abusing your great gift for power,
The way you sing, charming & hypnotic to soothe the sheep.
The way you dance, graceful & fluent so they never catch on,
The way you perform, attacking & wounding us down deep.

Knowing your dark secrets, the blackened soul & ice cold heart,
Renders me captive to you, trapped by threats of self-destruction.
You hold my desires over my head, taking away any leverage,
Tipping my hand to stay along following every instruction.

The way you lie, perfect & polished so well that no one knows,
The way you cheat, easily & unfairly so no one wins but you.
The way you steal, positivity & faith taken from everyone all around,
The way you fool, pretending & showing them a farce of someone true.

The beast inside his den does not wear the same mask the public sees,
Yet he reigns both worlds, or so he believes in his tainted sight.
Warped virtues lead him to rage whenever his ways are challenged,
But I’ve taken measure all along & now I’m ready to stand tall, put up a fight.