My Husband Angrivated Me By Staying Home From Work

  Let’s start off by explaining how we do things around here at this point in our lives. The hubby goes to work, I stay at home. It’s that simple. He busts his ass, then takes his earnings and pays our bills. I deal with everything regarding the keeping of our home and the up-bringing of our four children. There are no blurred lines in our system and I do not typically ask or expect the hubs to help me out only because his work is rough, strenuous, and aggravating, with a mandatory 70 hour work week. Plus, he’s on an odd twelve hour afternoon shift Monday through Friday from 3pm to 3am, so he’s not even in the same mental time zone as everyone else in the household.
  My daily routine has precariously been evolved around his so we can function fluently without stepping on each other’s toes any more than necessary. I wake up with the kiddos only a couple hours after he crawls into bed. My day is fully underway in the midst of the humdrum by the time hubs wakes up to start his day, which is my signal to start cleaning up & getting any necessary chores done otherwise my incessant caffeine-fueled chatter will the hubs to blow his lid. And I can’t blame him either, cuz it’s his morning and I would be the same way about mine. Just like with his waking, the hubs leaving for work is a cue. My cue to plop down on my ass and relax in peace for the whole thirty minutes I have until shuttle duty calls and the big three kids return. The rest of my day is spent picking up the mess the hubby made while he was here, getting snacks, calming the hyper puppy, organizing the gazillion flyers sent home from school, washing dishes,making dinner, washing more dishes, battling over homework & cleaning rooms, & doing the whole get ready for bed song n dance.

  There’s a rhythm to the chaos. I’m used to going at it alone. A balancing act of juggling, bribing, crying, yelling, & laughing so we all can say “Goodnight, I love you, we’ve had such a great day today,” after it’s all said and done. So when the hubs takes a random day off that I can’t foreshadow, and it’s not a holiday that I can plan ahead for, it really throws my whole day into a tailspin, angrivating me in every way. So even though I was happy that Dad wanted to take part in the boys’ delight in receiving their birthday gifts and give them a chance to play with them for the first time, I was instantly angrivated at the thought of the day to come. I decided to keep track of all the ways the hubs interfered with or disrupted my day with his angrivating presence.

1. Hubs supposedly took the day off work to spend time with his boys and their new airsoft guns. I expected him to give them a full tutorial and safety demonstration while laying down the ground rules before letting them go for it. He spent exactly thirty-five minutes in total outside with them, just standing there lost in lala land while the boy’s did whatever they wanted with no qualms over their safety. He actually left them outside with their guns while he parked his ass back on the couch! I was left to be the bad guy and make them clean everything up till someone could take them back out under supervision.

2. Hubs actually thought he could get away with turning off Mickey Mouse Clubhouse halfway through just to put on some Soccer game he wanted to watch. Tried telling Stinx the tv did it on it’s own and didn’t know what to do when the screaming toddler brought him the remote and said “Fix Mickey NOW!” Really hubs, that’s a total amateur parenting move!

3. While playing with Stinx, he mentioned the word CAKE as well as something about needing to cut something up. Next thing I know I see my kid running to give daddy a real knife, from God only knows where, while crying hysterically for the cake she believed he was offering. She did not get that he as calling her crumbled up paper pile a cake in a weak attempt at make-believe play. Leave the tea parties & package opening to the pros, dude, we know the unwritten rules of the game.

4. He spent the time he should’ve been engaged with the kiddos laying around doing whatever sports junkie related stuff he spends his entire non-working existence doing. For someone who never gets time with the kiddos to begin with, that’s a really great way to bake use of the time you do have.

5. The mother fucker who barely did a single thing all damn day long and still slept late because of working the night before, had the NERVE to take a NAP on the couch, right in front of me! When he should’ve been outside with his boys! Or helping me around the house! Or running up to the corner store for more Coke for me. Or anything useful and productive!!! Even letting me nap since it’s my most thought about fantasy would’ve been more than acceptable! Thankfully the couch is a real amateur move, again, on his part cuz these kids are NOT quiet by any means and have a tendency to stomp everywhere in the house, haha!

6. Hubs, like all dads, fell for his precious baby girl’s tears and charm, allowing her to weasel her way outta her chores. Her room did not get cleaned as it needed to be because she was supposed to have a friend come over after school. Guess who had to spend her own relaxation time scrambling to straighten things up cuz I forgot all about her not following our routine? Yup, me. Interfering with my system only makes more work for me and therefore leaves me too exhausted for sexy time, just so you know for next time. Momma doles out responsibilities to make her life easier, it’s got nothing to do with teaching them anything, that’s just a bonus. Newbie parent move AGAIN, buddy.

7. This one is an all-around, basic parenting NO-NO, that even the most beginner of parents probably know better than to attempt… Hubby put a fricking movie on just at the beginning of our bedtime routine and actually got mad at US for disrupting HIM! You gotta be kidding me, dawg. How did you even think that would work for you? I’m still so dumbstruck by his choice to do this. The nerve!

8. Last, but not least, the hubby sent me into angrivated rage when he allowed Stinx not only to keep getting outta bed, but wound her up for playtime each time then dumping her back on me to deal with when he wanted to go back to watching his stupid movie! C’mon now! Everyone knows a mom’s completely done for the night before the kid’s heads hit their pillows! It was nothing but a direct attempt to torture me and entertain himself! SO completely, utterly, unjustifiably ridiculous! You are the same guy who used to tease me for going off on all the stupid parents who would cry to Supernanny that their kids won’t go to bed when it’s time because they were doing the exact same thing even though they couldn’t hear me through the TV! What the fuck gives with this? Just wait. You’ll get it back somehow.

  Hubs, please, please, PLEASE!, don’t EVER stay home from work again. We’ll stay married, in-love, and live happily ever after- IF you go to work. Watching you lay around and do NOTHING as I can only dream of doing just isn’t gonna work. Not if you wanna make this marriage thing work ’til death do its part without a little help in the death department!